A dream last night......

While I was sleeping last night I had a dream. I remember that I was in a room full of people. I'm not sure if they were children or adults but, I remember that a man walked into the room and pointed to me and said "Amongst these people you are the most qualified to be a teacher." I looked up at him with complete confidence and said "I know." I walked toward him and I remember that he had long spaghetti like arms. He wanted to pray with me. I remember that it took him along time to start the prayer. This dream was the very first dream where God has talked with me directly and told me what I am suppose to do in his Kingdom. Thank you Lord for letting me know what I am suppose to do. I can do all things in Christ which strength me. Phillippians 4:13.

I am So Sorry Lord.....

Today, I did wrong by God and all I can do is ask for forgiveness. I do stand up right in rightousness. Today, I posted a blog about why people feel about themselves if we are told that we are made the way God wants us to be made. I also talked about if someone were to think that you are truly beautiful how wonderful that would be. I had a comment on facebook about how I was judging people and that I don't need a man to feel justified. Hello, world I haven't needed a man to feel justified in years. When I write in my blog I always pray about it first. I pray that God will give the words and message that people need to hear. What I wrote about today was something that I have been struggling with. I have felt a void in my life and I have been filling it with food. I have been battling this by myself. It obvious of course because I am over weight but, truth is I'm embarrased to talk about it. But, I had the courage today to express my true feelings on the internet, on this blog, and on facebook and someone told me my feelings were wrong. How can I judge someone if I haven't used any names, if I didn't call any names, and if I used the expressions me and I. I did use the expression we but, I meant as a whole. We the people. I know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I know it. So, I did not want to cause conflict, especially on facebook, so, I deleted my post. I knew it was wrong because I asked for God's forgiveness before I did it because I know that that is what he wanted me to share. Please, forgive me Lord. I do Love you more than anything and I am so sorry. If I were to mess up our relationship I don't know what I would do. I prayed over this blog and cried all the way home because I let the Lord down. From this day forward I walk upright. If you don't like what the Lord has placed in my heart then maybe the message was not meant for you. Everything you do is never always liked. All I can do is be a light for God and relay the messages that he has put in my spirit to do. I WILL NEVER DELETE ANOTHER POST TO AVOID CONFLICT. I stand by what I type and what I feel. When I typed about someone thinking I was truly beautiful it wasn't about a man. It was anybody. You know that my mom has never said that I was beautiful. My dad never has either. I don't really know if anybody has truly ever thought I was beautiful. If you need justification from a man other your dad than you need to look at a bigger picture. A man does not make you who you are unless you let them. Let God make you for who are suppose to be. As the expression is said Let Go and Let God. I am in a battle right now for what is right and what is wrong. I need battle with God's words and not my own. A scripture was told to me today that I need to start living by it is Psalm 23. The Lord is my shepard; I shall not want. 2.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of rightousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table for me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anoinest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

A Real Valentine......

I must tell you about what a Real Valentine is......A Real Valentine is someone that honestly loves you for who you are, thinks you are beautiful when you are not, tells you that you are beautiful, loves you unconditionally, doesn't require you to sleep with them just to get some dinner and flowers, it's someone who is willing to have a right relationship with you, someone that will will be your friend first, someone that is not embarrassed of you, openly accepts your relationship no matter where you are, who is among you, and doesn't care what they have to say about it. A Real Valentine is going to embrace your relationship for what it is, keep it growing, will hold your hand when you are scared, you can call them at anytime and they always answer the phone, calls you when they say they are going to call you, keeps their word, and is a GREAT role model to the people around them. For me this is God. Not one year on this earth have I accepted God as my valentine until this year. Men on earth always have flaws just like women. But, I believe that a Real Valentine will put as much into a relationship equally as the other person. This is what makes a team. Some people probably thinks that I shouldn't write about this because I'm always single but, I'm always single for a reason. I don't want to have to settle. I'm better than that and so are you. I'm not going to be sexually immoral just for companionship, I'm not going to live with someone of the opposite sex before marriage. When you chose to accept God in your life you have to make sacrifices, and you have to do the right thing. You are an example to people around you. Going against God....is that really worth having a Valentine?

Awkward.....

When you are sitting in a black church and you are the only white person in the congregation and the pastor says not to offend anybody, you are about to be offended. The pastor started preaching about how his parents were struggling when he was younger and how they were picking cotton from the fields and the white man would take all their money so, they would always do without. My son aasaa says "Mom, do you feel awkward right now?" I said "Aasaa, I'll be fine." The pastor's wife starting crying because she was probably thinking about the struggles that her family went through as well, because the pastor and his wife were both born in the south. I'm not saying that they were wrong to talk about it just, that I felt that it was said in the wrong way. I had the older black women in the congregation looking at me too, giving me stares and glances. I didn't do it. My race did but, I didn't. My son aasaa who is also black said that it made him feel awkward too. I have been the only white person in a black congregation before but, I have never felt so awkward in my life. I was so upset about what was said that I could not grasp the words that were being said because all I wanted to do was leave. I just remember that everytime I would look at the clock only 1 minute had passed. I do remember that the pastor was talking about there is a right way to say things and a wrong way to say them. I was like, you just your message way wrong. You could of still told your story but did you have to bring race into when, everyone already knew what you were talking about. Not to be funny but I have been wrong by plenty of black people and I'm not going to stand infront of a whole congregation of white people, with only 1 black person in the audience and talk about them. If it was not wrong how things were said then how come my son was offended and they were talking about my race? My son aasaa said "Well, mom he pretty much said that he doesn't like white people because they enslaved them." My son is 12 and got the message way deeper than I did. God, did tell me that I wasn't suppose to go back there and I went because I wanted to worship with my friend. But, I got it God. That is not the place that I am suppose to worship at. Me and my friend were made to worship together but just at a different place. The truth is, is that me and friend do worship together sometimes in the car, sometimes on the phone, sometimes in person, and sometimes in text. He always has something spiritual to say when the time is right. We have been worshiping together since we met. Lord, I am so sorry that I went against what you had told me not to do. The Lord made me feel awkward during praise & worship and I was praying to him that he could take away the awkward so that I can get into praise and worship, to get my mind together, because I wanted to hear the word. I also prayed that my kids would be able to get something from the word too. All I can say is God, again I am so sorry.

God is good all the time......

One of the desires of my heart is to open a business. So, yesterday, after waiting for a few weeks I received my business cards, T-shirt and large car door magnet. That I'm going to use to spread the news of my business. I remember that when I opened up the package I felt a little over whelmed because since, I have these items literally in my hands the rest of my mission is up to me. God, has given me the vision, the education, the smarts and the ability to do this. The thought of this actually happening, of me actually owing a business, is so amazing. When I think of my business, I imagine an office, people working under me, and just having the chance to always be tuned in to what the consumer wants and needs. This is a vision that has never been more clear that it is now. I am also scared too. I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of no support from friends and family. I'm worried that no one will believe in me. I might not get any clients. There is so much to be concerned about. But, I know that since God is in my life and never gives up on me. That I will succeed. I know that there is a scripture, I apologize that I don't know where it is right now, but, it talks about all things done in God will be successful. I was actually worried that if I posted my love for God on my website that I might not get as many clients. I know that God is the only way to go and if my future clients don't like that then we don't need to do business. I have the link to my blog on the bottom of every page. Because of God I am able to achieve my dreams. I am able to see the big picture and actually create goals for myself that are far beyond what I thought I could ever do. I don't think that anyone in my family actually owns a business. I do have family members that work for themselves but, they don't own the business by themselves. I am the first person in my family to graduate college, I am the first one to make it out of high school without being pregnant and who knows what else I'm going to achieve all because of God. If I had people on this earth who loved me like God loves me, would never judge me, always looked at the positive about me instead of the negative, and would just hold my hand through hard times. I would be able to feel true love on earth. Just like how I love God and he loves me.

When life is rough......

Life may beat us up but won't beat us! 2 Corinthians 4:16. This is the scripture that my pastor kept saying yesterday during service. It is so true. I had a situation that happened yesterday and I didn't really like and I thought I was done wrong in. But, Lord Thank You so much for answering my prayer that involved this person. I was listening to Rick Warren and it was something I needed to hear. I had listened to it before but honestly, it did not effect me like it today. He was talking about if you let someone who has done you wrong make you feel bitter or mad you are the only one that is hurting from it. The person that did you wrong probably already forgot about it. This is so true because if they really cared then they wouldn't of done you wrong to start with. Sometimes this is a hard pill to swallow. That someone that calls you a friend honestly, never was. You could have gotten along with each other, had fun together but if you never honest in the beginning it can never be a right relationship. That is why repentance is so important to have a right relationship with God. You have to always be honest, share your feelings and open your heart to him. He already knows anyways. So, why not. He knew about it before you knew what you were going to do. When God puts people in your life, they are there for a reason. Treat them just as you would want to be treated. The closer you get to God the more people he going to put in your life that love God so you can encourage each other and complete the mission. You do know that everyone is in your life for just a season. So, just make it a great season.

What a wonderful God you are.....

I didn't write to My God yesterday. I did make time for him but, did not write to him. Yesterday, started out great. I went to church, made up with my sister, and hung out with my family. A couple of astonishing things happened yesterday. The biggest one was when I was in church the pastor was talking about the older generation and how we can't just put God to the side for the younger generation to take over. The pastor was talking about 55 and older. But, to my kids I am the older generation. In fact I haven't really spoke to my kids since Friday because they made upset. It also upset me that they didn't really care that we weren't talking because I still supplied food, and their basic essentials. It was just put in my spirit that this is how we treat our God. We know that he supply or basic essentials enough for to survive so, why do we need a personal relationship with him? He is always there. No matter what. This is how my kids look at me. God told me that instead of just praying for my kids, I need to pray with my kids. This makes sense. I have done that before but for serious stuff. So, when I got home I said aasaa and sheddrickk hold hands. I prayed for the mending of our relationship just as I prayed for the relationship to be mending between me and God. This was the most powerful prayer I think that I have ever said. God gave the right words to say and I was forceful and it was impacting because, my kids changed almost instantly. I need to pray everyday with them and this is something that I am going to do. I pray everyday so I need to pray with them everyday so, it because natural for them to do the same. You can be leader if you can't lead by example.