Awkward.....

When you are sitting in a black church and you are the only white person in the congregation and the pastor says not to offend anybody, you are about to be offended. The pastor started preaching about how his parents were struggling when he was younger and how they were picking cotton from the fields and the white man would take all their money so, they would always do without. My son aasaa says "Mom, do you feel awkward right now?" I said "Aasaa, I'll be fine." The pastor's wife starting crying because she was probably thinking about the struggles that her family went through as well, because the pastor and his wife were both born in the south. I'm not saying that they were wrong to talk about it just, that I felt that it was said in the wrong way. I had the older black women in the congregation looking at me too, giving me stares and glances. I didn't do it. My race did but, I didn't. My son aasaa who is also black said that it made him feel awkward too. I have been the only white person in a black congregation before but, I have never felt so awkward in my life. I was so upset about what was said that I could not grasp the words that were being said because all I wanted to do was leave. I just remember that everytime I would look at the clock only 1 minute had passed. I do remember that the pastor was talking about there is a right way to say things and a wrong way to say them. I was like, you just your message way wrong. You could of still told your story but did you have to bring race into when, everyone already knew what you were talking about. Not to be funny but I have been wrong by plenty of black people and I'm not going to stand infront of a whole congregation of white people, with only 1 black person in the audience and talk about them. If it was not wrong how things were said then how come my son was offended and they were talking about my race? My son aasaa said "Well, mom he pretty much said that he doesn't like white people because they enslaved them." My son is 12 and got the message way deeper than I did. God, did tell me that I wasn't suppose to go back there and I went because I wanted to worship with my friend. But, I got it God. That is not the place that I am suppose to worship at. Me and my friend were made to worship together but just at a different place. The truth is, is that me and friend do worship together sometimes in the car, sometimes on the phone, sometimes in person, and sometimes in text. He always has something spiritual to say when the time is right. We have been worshiping together since we met. Lord, I am so sorry that I went against what you had told me not to do. The Lord made me feel awkward during praise & worship and I was praying to him that he could take away the awkward so that I can get into praise and worship, to get my mind together, because I wanted to hear the word. I also prayed that my kids would be able to get something from the word too. All I can say is God, again I am so sorry.